Permission to leave

I have a message for all of you, my friends,

Just because someone has entered your life does not mean you have to give them permission to stay.

There, I said it. Done.

I am one who has always struggled with the concept of letting people go. To me, it’s seemed rude and callous so I’ve always been more inclined to retain the peace by keeping up the pretenses. Problem is, allowing people with toxic behaviors stay in my life did not give me peace at all. 

I want to be clear on this, I don’t know that I believe in the term “toxic people” which is so often thrown around and often misused. But I do most definitely believe that people can display toxic behaviors and these toxic behaviors can take many forms. What one person considers to be a toxic behavior, others will not. It’s very much up to personal opinion, perception and experience.

My prompt for writing this is that I have recently had a friend who has people in her life that are causing her damage. She’s hurting and the people that are hurting her are people that should be loving, protecting and supporting her – no-matter-what.  My advice to her was simple, it was time that she let them go. This shocked her. To this day I cannot work out why.

We all have a limited number of hours in a day and a limited number of days in our life. Why would we willingly surrender these precious moments to someone who cause us pain, stress, sadness or discomfort?

To be honest, there is less than a handful of people I’ve felt the need to “break up” with and don’t get me wrong,  I didn’t do it by shouting from the rooftops “you’re no good for me”.  I simply (and very quietly) distanced myself from them. To do this I simply I just got on with my life and did not encourage them to be part of it.  How did I do this? It’s really quite simple, I remained civil but not cold, respectful but not encouraging.  I just did not give these people a chance to participate actively in my life.

Just like other toxins in your life, unhealthy relationships will cause you damage.  So why on earth would you hold on to them?